From Chapter 4 of Baby Steps:
"There are nights when I lie in bed wondering how I got to be 40 years old and trying to have a baby on my own. There are mornings when I wake up and think I must be living someone else’s life. And then there are afternoons when it all makes complete sense that I ended up a middle-age woman attempting to join the ranks of the Single Moms by Choice, or SMCs, as they’re known. And only then, if I’m fortunate enough to become an SMC, will I argue that the name Single Moms by Choice is a misnomer, because while the Single Mom part is true, I am guessing that if most of them had a choice, it would not be to become a single mom, but rather to be in a loving relationship; to have a baby with two parents, a household with two incomes, and a mortgage with two signatures. The ‘C’ in SMC should be changed to Circumstance, I will argue. Single Moms by Circumstance, because at least for me, it was a long history of mixed up choices and backwards thinking when it came to dating that created the circumstances of my single life."
And so begins Chapter 4 of my memoir. Pondering the terminology used for women who have decided to stop waiting for the right man, the perfect moment, the ideal circumstances. Instead, those women who have taken charge of their future instead of letting it be dictated by their situations.
Women like me and thousands of others, with numbers climbing daily.
As I often repeat in my novel, I am moving forward beyond questions and fears. And trust me. My questions are infinite--What am I doing? How will I handle this? When will I be at peace with my life?--and my fears compounded--daily. Was it my choice to try to become pregnant on my own? Yes. But was it my first choice? Of course not. Although I'm very capable, I want my child to have a dad, just like I want to have a loving husband. Do we always get what we want?
Do we sometimes get what we want, but we maybe have to wait a little longer than we'd like?
There may be a shelf life for female fertility, but love is timeless.
And who knows what the future holds for us Single Moms by Circumstance.
So keep moving forward, fellow warriors. As my mom says, you never know what's waiting for you right around the corner. (And never leave your house without lipstick and a smile!)